Michael Kelso
"If this is about maturity, I want nothing to do with it!" Michael Kelso (born February 7, 1958) is a fictional character from Fox Network's That '70s Show, played by Ashton Kutcher. Tall and lanky, he is the dim-witted pretty-boy of the group, coasting through life on his good looks. His behavior is very much in line with a stereotypical oversexed lunkhead or male-bimbo. Kelso has surprised many by scoring higher on a test than some of his other friends, leading some to believe that perhaps Kelso isn't dumb but just naïve. Biography Kelso failed the first grade for his refusal to write in cursive and lied about his age ever since. On a trip to potential colleges he said he had been dropped on his head as a child. Kelso's interests include sex, smoking cannibis, watching Christmas cartoons, playing with Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots, buying toy dinosaurs, and dreaming of being a spaceman Kelso accidently shot Eric Forman's pet hamster, Snowball, with a BB gun. When the show started he was dating Jackie Burkhart, played by Mila Kunis, a popular and self-centered cheerleader. The two lost their virginity to each other after Kelso and his friends got out of jail for riding in a car that was mistaken for being stolen. Jackie gets on Kelso's friends nerves on a daily basis and Kelso repeatedly said that he was going to break up with her. But Jackie beat him to it and broke up with him after a pregnancy scare. They got back together later. Kelso loves a good burn as much as the next guy, even when the burn is at his expense, but generally he doesn't mean to severely hurt someone, which he often does but most of the time he hurts people by an accident through virtue of his innate stupidity rather than by design. He had an affair with Eric's sister Laurie (played by Lisa Robin Kelly). This leads to Kelso and Jackie breaking up again in season two. The next season they get back together after Jackie puts him on secret test. But at the end of season four Jackie wants to get married, a freaked out Kelso decides to bail out on Jackie and helps Donna Pinciotti run away to California, when they come back Kelso finds out Jackie has moved on and is now romantically involved with Steven Hyde. He tried to deal with it but couldn't and after Hyde cheats on Jackie, he thinks he has a shot but Hyde wants Jackie back too and fights with him over her. After discovering she chose Hyde but he wouldn't take her back, Kelso decided it was his job to get them back together. In the sixth season a plotline was added that made Kelso the illegitimate father of a baby girl (conceived in a bathroom at a Molly Hatchet concert). Shannon Elizabeth guest-starred as Brooke in several episodes during that year. In Season 7, he gets involved with Hyde's sister Angie but she breaks up with him after she is transferred to another job (Which he gets angry at but was going to break up with her anyways). In Season 8, he leaves Point Place, but before he does, he proposes to Jackie and he is rejected (Which he is delighted about). Then he tricks the gang in the circle that he was leaving now but was really leaving the next day. His character became a policeman, albeit a bumbling one. Like Topher Grace, Kutcher chose not to renew his contract for season 8. Consequently, Kelso is kicked off the force, prompting him to accept a job as a security guard for a Chicago-based playboy bunny like club from the sleazy owner who is played by guest star Bruce Willis (ex-husband to Ashton's real life wife Demi Moore). He returns for New Years Eve and jumps off the watertower with Hyde and Fez (Hyde and Fez obviously trick Kelso in to jumping by himself). He then joins the last circle and has to call Red a dumbass. He has an older brother, Casey Kelso (Luke Wilson). One time when Kelso fell off the water tower he said that he fell off the water tower in every grade. Hyde constantly hurts Kelso, but he mostly hits his eye. During an episode Kelso drinks raw eggs from a cup and Jackie says that he is allergic to eggs then he says he has to go to the hospital. Quotes "Right now I'm just Jackie's friend. But what she doesn't realize is that I'm also a boy. And eventually 'friend' is gonna lead down the path to 'boy', and then I'll be her friend-boy." "Man, what fun is it being a girlfriend if you don't even have your own boobs to play with?" "If this is about maturity, I want nothing to do with it! " "I don't get Jackie, man. I mean, picking Fez over me? Me? I have the three things that women want. I'm hot, and I'm smart!" "I have a question. If Hyde was in Hyde's bed and Jackie was in Hyde's bed, what exactly was going on in said bed?" "Yeah, you know, that's a good way to hunt. Because even if you don't get anything, you still have all the fun of a whistle and a stick." "Eric, I'm telling you this as a friend that likes to see you get hurt." "You guys want to know a funny word? Pickle-weasel!" "Ah! my eye!" "Burn!" Category:Characters